have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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