R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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