The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
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What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
3pm strippers are depressing
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
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He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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