yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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