Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
