i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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