I wish I could teleport
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
