If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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