I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
smell my finger.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
