So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
