And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
