woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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