I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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