How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
