I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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