return my video game
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
