why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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