You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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