just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
