Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He better not be in your backpack
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
