If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
