I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
