i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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