oh god the rape fog is back!
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
