I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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