He felt like a one man threesome
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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