There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
