But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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