Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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