She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
