i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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