Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
