Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
