so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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