I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
