She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
