There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
