I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
