I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
