I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
