he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
