I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
