We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
