Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
