She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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