i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
