I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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