How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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