I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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