All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
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I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
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Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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