okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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