I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
How does it feel to date your dad?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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