White coat. Heels.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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