I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
