If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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