i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
