I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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