Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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