see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
