you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Ketchup is God's man juice
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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