i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
