You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I need water and some morals
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
