just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
