I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
