During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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