i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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