Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
