Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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