Got a toothbrush?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
