I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
